So, what is going on in my practice these days?

The human desire to seek out and do the same thing over and over again has been noticed and identified by therapists since Freud (and probably before that by the wise ones in various cultures).  Freud called it “The Repetition Compulsion”.  It is that strange phenomenon that results in our choice to create situations that mimic or repeat past awful or even traumatic experiences, in spite of their damaging consequences.

Personally, I have banned the words fine, nothing and whatever from my vocabulary when talking to a partner.  If I feel like saying one of those things (and believe me, I still do), it is my signal to check in with myself and ask, “What am I running away from here?  What do I want? Can I speak that honestly and gently to my partner?” 

As someone who has, herself, invested in hundreds of hours of personal therapy, I can attest to the value of that over my own life time. It’s something to consider when large questions loom. Instead of a muscle car or a new master bathroom, what about a year or so of therapy?

“If you don’t x, then I will y“!

We know the sinking feeling that we feel after it’s been uttered. We know the rage that starts to build at a demand for the impossible. We know the dread of having just set ourselves up for disaster. We know there is no right answer to that. If we comply, we feel bullied and shamed.

Then there are sometimes where I unexpectedly see, through some other avenue, the concrete results of a long term process.

A client today reminded me that self-care is all well and good but if you are spending your time knitting and doing yoga instead of eating and sleeping, the knitting and the yoga will not do you much good.